Final post in the series on grief and job loss ...
The fifth stage of grief is Acceptance. When you get to this stage, you begin to realize there IS a light at the end of the tunnel (and it's NOT an oncoming train). You begin to remember the successful you; your self esteem begins to return. You've been doing all the right things to help yourself through these stages and ... BOOM ... along comes a rejection letter and you're back in the soup again. This is totally normal! The reality is you may move back and forth through all these stages several time before you are really "through it all." The good news is ... you ARE going to get there!
During the Acceptance stage, your thoughts begin to turn to the positive. You've come to realize that dwelling on the unfairness of it all is pointless. You turn your energy to exploring your possibilities, remembering your successes and showcasing the "enthusiastic, confident and energetic you" in that next job interview. Really leaving the loss behind means you have room for embracing the future. Don't worry if you slip back to the other stages on occasion. You will most likely find yourself getting back on track more quickly because you recognize the normality of the situation and what you need to do to change.
Believe in yourself!
As a coach, I've discovered that one of the biggest obstacles to a person's success is the belief that somehow he/she doesn't deserve it. This feeling is especially pronounced when you are grieving your job loss. My advice to you is ... BALONEY! Even if you did have something to do with losing your job, forgive yourself and move on! EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND LOVE THE WORK THEY DO ... EVERYONE ... NO EXCEPTIONS!
I'm a big fan of Dr. Wayne W. Dyer's work and one of my favorite books is "Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life." To BE successful, you need to THINK successful. At this point you may want to create a list of positive affirmations you can use to keep you moving forward and help you refocus when you have a setback. Developing a positive mindset is really one of the most powerful life strategies there is. Positive affirmations and positive thinking can turn failure into success and take success to a whole new dimension. Your positive attitude is the fuel for that success. (But that will be the topic for another posting!)
Dealing with the trauma of unemployment from a position of knowledge and anticipation is the key to getting your career back on track. The time will come when you'll be able to look back and see the silver lining in this job loss ... perhaps you would never have found the courage to leave the safety of what you knew to do something totally new ... maybe the change allowed you to cross paths with angels in your life ... could it be you had a passion for doing something that finally resurfaced when you had some time to think ... you may have used some of your newly found "free time" to reconnect with your family and friends and focus on improving your own health and happiness.
Life is too short, my friends, to not be doing something you love. You deserve to be successful ... you deserve to be happy ... you deserve to be fulfilled doing the work you love.
Believe it!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Stage 4: Depression
The fifth posting in the grief and job loss series ...
In my previous postings I've discussed 1) Denial & Isolation, 2) Anger, and 3) Bargaining & Fear. The fourth phase of grief which you may encounter following your job loss is Depression.
The loss of a job can be one of the truly traumatic experiences of your life because of the profound changes that result. First, there is the obvious financial loss. Then you may feel the loss of your "work family." You may experience self doubts and anxiety. So often, we define ourselves by "what we do" and, when you are unemployed, you may feel a loss of your own identity, your status, or your goals. Your family support may be strained because of the financial situation, leading to tension, fighting and anxiety. Your bills may be piling up ... it is certainly understandable how one could become depressed under even a fraction of the stress.
What is depression?
Depression is "a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than warranted by any objective reason." It can range from mild, temporary moments of sadness to severe, persistent depression. Depression may be situational, brought on by a traumatic event such as a job loss, or, in it's more severe form it may be a result of chemical imbalance in the brain, clinical depression.
I've heard depression described as "anger turned inward." You blame yourself and feel ashamed that this happened to you. Those negative voices in your head start coming up with all of the things you think you did to CAUSE this ... you weren't smart enough ... you weren't worthy ... every bad thing that anyone ever said about you must be true ... you'll never find another job ... suppose you DO find a job and this happens again ... and on and on and on. The litany of negative thoughts we have seems endless.
Job loss and depression are nothing to be ashamed of!
The one thing to remember is that losing your job is nothing to be ashamed of. The days of having one job for your entire life belong to your parents' generation. Very few people retire from the same company they started with when they graduated from high school or college. Almost everyone has experienced a layoff themselves or has a close friend or family member who has experienced it. In today's economy with the mergers and acquisitions, the corporate down-sizing, the "do more with less" corporate directive, job loss is a fact of the life and there is really no stigma attached to it.
There is also no shame in being depressed. More than 18 million US adults will experience some form of depression at some time in their lifetime. When you are in the throes of depression, it's also common to "hit bottom" -- when you've hit bottom there's no where to go but up. However, you are likely to hit bottom more than once during your job search ... and each time you may feel like it's the first. The good news is there are things you can do to move from depression to action.
So what CAN you do?
Depression is a cloud that blots out your good feelings about yourself. The worst thing you can do when you feel this way is stay in bed or sit in front of the TV cruising the cable channels. My advice to you is ...
You are not alone!
In my previous postings I've discussed 1) Denial & Isolation, 2) Anger, and 3) Bargaining & Fear. The fourth phase of grief which you may encounter following your job loss is Depression.
The loss of a job can be one of the truly traumatic experiences of your life because of the profound changes that result. First, there is the obvious financial loss. Then you may feel the loss of your "work family." You may experience self doubts and anxiety. So often, we define ourselves by "what we do" and, when you are unemployed, you may feel a loss of your own identity, your status, or your goals. Your family support may be strained because of the financial situation, leading to tension, fighting and anxiety. Your bills may be piling up ... it is certainly understandable how one could become depressed under even a fraction of the stress.
What is depression?
Depression is "a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than warranted by any objective reason." It can range from mild, temporary moments of sadness to severe, persistent depression. Depression may be situational, brought on by a traumatic event such as a job loss, or, in it's more severe form it may be a result of chemical imbalance in the brain, clinical depression.
I've heard depression described as "anger turned inward." You blame yourself and feel ashamed that this happened to you. Those negative voices in your head start coming up with all of the things you think you did to CAUSE this ... you weren't smart enough ... you weren't worthy ... every bad thing that anyone ever said about you must be true ... you'll never find another job ... suppose you DO find a job and this happens again ... and on and on and on. The litany of negative thoughts we have seems endless.
Job loss and depression are nothing to be ashamed of!
The one thing to remember is that losing your job is nothing to be ashamed of. The days of having one job for your entire life belong to your parents' generation. Very few people retire from the same company they started with when they graduated from high school or college. Almost everyone has experienced a layoff themselves or has a close friend or family member who has experienced it. In today's economy with the mergers and acquisitions, the corporate down-sizing, the "do more with less" corporate directive, job loss is a fact of the life and there is really no stigma attached to it.
There is also no shame in being depressed. More than 18 million US adults will experience some form of depression at some time in their lifetime. When you are in the throes of depression, it's also common to "hit bottom" -- when you've hit bottom there's no where to go but up. However, you are likely to hit bottom more than once during your job search ... and each time you may feel like it's the first. The good news is there are things you can do to move from depression to action.
So what CAN you do?
Depression is a cloud that blots out your good feelings about yourself. The worst thing you can do when you feel this way is stay in bed or sit in front of the TV cruising the cable channels. My advice to you is ...
- Make a concerted effort to get out of the house. Give yourself a change of scenery. Get out and enjoy a state park. Take a walk in the woods. Go to the library and check out a good book. A good novel can be a great escape.
- Pamper yourself. Take a bubble bath. Do something for YOU! You may feel compelled to spend all of your time on your job search but ... resist that urge. You need to do something to refresh and rejuvenate!
- Spend time with the people you love. Take advantage of the fact that you're not working. Play with your kids, and spend time with your spouse, partner, or loved ones.
- Rent a funny videotape. Laughter really is the best medicine.
- Shake off the blues, and do something nice for your mind and body. The fatigue that often accompanies depression may make exercise the LAST thing you feel like doing. However, running, walking, swimming, and other aerobic activities actually give you energy. Also, exercising will help you sleep better, and you'll need your rest to keep yourself healthy enough to execute an effective job search.
- Do something to help someone else. Volunteer your time and share your talents. There's nothing like a little appreciation to help your self esteem. For me, volunteering at the local Literacy Center, gave me an opportunity to give back and actually led me to one of my current career paths, GED Instructor. You never know where an opportunity may present itself!
- Talk to someone ... your spouse, your family, a trusted friend, your pastor, a career coach, a counselor. There is nothing worse for you than isolating yourself when you're feeling this way. It is not a character flaw to need help! There are people out there who are ready to listen and to help. Don't be too proud to reach out to them.
You are not alone!
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