How do YOU spell S-U-C-C-E-S-S?

In 1989, in a speech to the American Women’s Economic Development Corporation, Oprah Winfrey listed her personal ten commandments. This list appears in Oprah Winfrey Speaks: Insight from the World’s Most influential Voice, by Janet Lowe.

Oprah Winfrey’s Ten Commandments for Success

1. Don’t live your life to please others.
2. Don’t depend on forces outside of yourself to get ahead.
3. Seek harmony and compassion in your business and personal life.
4. Get rid of the backstabbers—surround yourself only with people who will lift you higher.
5. Be nice.
6. Rid yourself of your addictions—whether they are food, alcohol, drugs or behavior habits.
7. Surround yourself with people who are as smart or smarter than you.
8. If money is your motivation, forget it.
9. Never hand over your power to someone else.
10. Be persistent in pursuing your dreams.

No one can deny that Oprah is a role model for success. From humble beginnings, this business mogul gives you the impression that she's a "real person" ... the kind of person you'd really like to spend the day with. She also has a penchant for philanthropy -- paying it forward.

It is true that success means different things to different people. There are very few Oprahs in the world, but there ARE a lot of successful people. What makes a person successful?

My dear friend, Dr. Erna Harris, recently asked me to be a guest on her cable program Process for Profit to talk about just that ... what does it takes to be a success? If you ask any successful person, you are likely to get some variation on these keys to success ... they are really very simple:

• You have to have a dream. What are you reaching for? What is your goal? How will you know when you've achieved it?
• You have to have a true belief that you will achieve your dream. If you don't believe in yourself, who will? If you've ever read The Secret or heard about the "Law of Attraction," you know that believing that something will come to you ... putting out that positive intention ... is a powerful force.
• You have to have a plan. Believing in yourself is a wonderful start but you can't just sit around and wait for the universe to bring you good fortune (although some might say you should do exactly that). If you make a plan for achieving your dreams, the baby steps you take along the way help fuel your progress. Success breeds success!
• Just do it! Nike is right. Taking action ... doing it ... is a big part of achieving your dreams
• You have to really want it. When the going gets tough, your drive and determination will depend more on your sincere desire to achieve your dreams.

How do YOU spell S-U-C-C-E-S-S? Do you have a dream ... something that you've always wanted to do? Are there voices in your own head or from others around you that are holding you back?

Getting Your Bearings ...

• There will never be a "perfect time" to pursue your dream. If you find yourself making excuses for not following your dream right now, you may be getting in your own way. If you can recognize that, you can own it and move past it.
• It does take courage to pursue a dream. Many people spend their time thinking about "What would happen if I fail?". I would challenge you to think about "How will I feel when I succeed?"
• You'll need a personal cheerleader. Find a trusted friend or coach who will support you in the pursuit of your dream. I'm not suggesting you look for a "yes man (or woman)". You need the moral support of someone who is a good listener and who truly believes you deserve to be happy in what you do.

Think about your vision, believe in your dream, talk about it as though it is already here and before you know it ... you'll be living it!

Believe!

Does a Job Search Have to be Daunting?

Searching for a new job seems to be the big thing on a lot of people's minds these days. I've been there and it can be a pretty isolating and overwhelming exercise.

Some basic questions to ask yourself when you're getting started are:

• What am I actually looking for? Do I like what I do well enough to do it again or do I need or want a fresh start? Sometimes the biggest impediment to finding a job is a lack of clarity in what you want to do. Spend some time exploring your interests, values, skills and personal goals here. A little soul-searching may save you countless hours of spinning your wheels. If you "don't have a clue," you can look for self assessments on line, contact your local career center or look for a career coach to guide you.
• Where would I like to work? Where am I most likely to find the right opportunities for me? Targeting specific companies is a good precursor to networking. Take a look at the "best companies to work for" lists. The Internet contains a wealth of lists ranging from geographic areas to company size to companies that are "family friendly". Fortune magazine publishes a list of the Top 100 Best Companies to Work For every year and evaluates each company based on their policies and culture with a heavy weighting given to the opinions of the company's employees. http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/bestcompanies/full_list/
• Whom do I know that could help me? Networking is the key to the more than 70% of jobs that are filled before they even get posted. Some people may believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness and you should be able to get a job "on your own." If that describes you, you need to get past it! Meeting someone inside an organization who can clue you in to a company's culture or, more importantly, their pain points could really help you differentiate yourself in an interview. Additionally, if you really hit it off with your networking contact, s/he might even be willing to ask a hiring manager to take a look at your resume. Remember, the networking contact doesn't GET you the job ... that's entirely up to you. The "what's in it for them" is the opportunity to help another human being (and it COULD mean a referral bonus in some companies!). Also, whenever you network with someone, you need to be mindful of giving something back if you can ... a contact that could help him with a problem ... a recommendation of a book on a topic of shared interest ... a suggestion on something that has been successful for you that could help her.
• When do I need to have this new job? What's my timeframe or sense or urgency? You may be searching for your dream job but, the reality is, the bills need to be paid. Making plans for landing a dream opportunity may have to go on the back burner if you have a sense of urgency. If you do go for a "bridge-job," don't just settle; be sure it's something you can be happy doing or you won't last long. And keep an eye out for opportunities that can take you a step closer to your dream job!
• How do I go about the process of finding a new job? There is definitely a process to follow here and I will be covering it in an entry VERY soon.

The "why" here is not important (i.e. why am I looking for/out of a job) ... your focus on the past should only be long enough to think about what worked for you and what did NOT work for you about your past position(s). What's done is done. If you had a bad experience in your last position, you need to work on a positive "exit statement" to talk about why you left. Make it short and to the point. DO NOT tell the saga of the trials and tribulations. You need to keep a forward focus!
Getting Your Bearings ...

To make your job search less daunting:

• Don't let it consume your time 24/7. You need to schedule in some time for fun and relaxation or you WILL burn out (probably faster than if you were employed).
• Set aside a specific time each day for your job search. Plan time off on the weekends (at least one day).
• Make a plan for what you're going to accomplish and track it (you'll need that for unemployment anyway).
• Give yourself a reward for actually MAKING that networking call or researching that company ... even if it's just taking a walk around the block. (Suggestion: Don't use hot fudge sundaes as a reward ... the results could be disastrous!)
• Be open to the possibilities.
• Trust that you WILL find your next opportunity.

Good luck with your search!

All You Need is Love!

I'm sitting here at my computer getting ready for a post-holiday celebration with my husband and children, and my siblings and their spouses and extended families. I am reminded that the love and support of your family and friends is key to making any successful transition in your life or career.

Any change is difficult and we often get in our own way with the "Yeah, buts" in our heads that tell us we can't. The devil we know is better than the devil we don't know. These doubts, my friends, begin as pebbles along our paths and, if we allow them, they can grow to be boulders. If you find a boulder in your road and you can't go around it and you can't go over it and you can't go through it ... maybe you need a little help to push it out of your path so you can move forward.

For some people who are lucky enough to live with a great support system, this may seem to be an easy task. Others may have "Yeah, buts" coming at them from all directions. I'm sure you've met them ... they're the people who say you couldn't POSSIBLY BE SERIOUS about "THROWING AWAY all those years of experience" ... how COULD you WALK AWAY from doing something you're good at for which you've been well paid and go in an entirely different direction ... you're TOO OLD to play around with a new career ... is this your MID-LIFE CRISIS? I know you've all encountered those voices whether they're internal, external or a little of both.

If you don't have a good support system ... at least one solid as a rock person who believes in you ... you are likely to get close enough to touch that monumental boulder and say "what's the use -- there's no way I can do this. What ever made me think I could make a change". I can't tell you the number of people I've spoken with who tell me "I got right up to the edge of that cliff multiple times, and I was just too afraid to take the step into the unknown. So I went back to what I know ... but I still feel that something is missing." Does this sound like the dialogue with your inner voice?


Getting Your Bearings ...

Change is not easy and when you choose a path of change there is a certain amount of risk associated with it. Let's face it, there's a comfort in the status quo. It is certainly true that if you don't try you can't fail, but you'll never experience the sweet smell of success either. And down the road you may find yourself asking "what if".

If the change you've been pondering has left you unsure and exhausted ... if you find the fear of the unknown paralyzing ... there's that boulder! It's a rare person that doesn't struggle with these issues. The difference between those who take on the challenge and those who are overwhelmed by the boulder or the cliff ahead is plain and simple ... SUPPORT ... an extra pair of hands to help you push the boulder or who will hold your hand so the cliff doesn't look so terrifying.

When you have the backing of someone you trust ... someone who doesn't tell you what to do but lets you think it through and helps you weigh the possibilities ... someone who will be honest with you even if they think you won't be happy to hear his/her thoughts, suddenly you'll be able to see the boulder for the pebble it really is! If you don't have that support, you need to find it ... a family member, a good friend, a mentor, a coach or a counselor.

May all of your boulders become pebbles!

Attitude

I'm back ... after a brief break from blogging ...

A friend gave this reading to me a very long time ago. As we approach the beginning of a new year, ! thought it would be appropriate to share it with you ...

Attitude by Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our attitudes.

**********

Getting Your Bearings ...

I have always believed that attitude is everything.

The people who experience the most happiness and success in their lives are not necessarily the smartest, well-educated, well-connected people. They are people who learn from the past and focus on the future.

Don't get me wrong, the past IS important ... for remembering what has worked for us and what hasn't. However, I would caution you not to expend too much energy in that direction. Second guessing yourself ... playing that "what if" game ... only leaves you feeling bad about yourself and your situation.

You may feel that you don't have a great deal of control right now. If you're facing major changes in your life, whether you sought them or they just happened to you, things can be very hard. You may think I'm oversimplifying, but think about it ... where is the best place to expend your energy? Does anything good ever come from dwelling on the negatives in your past life or career? Getting back your positive energy is key to your forward progress.

Remember ... the only thing we are truly in control of is how we react to our situation.

Wishing you happiness in your life and career in 2010 and beyond!

Stage 5: Acceptance

Final post in the series on grief and job loss ...

The fifth stage of grief is Acceptance. When you get to this stage, you begin to realize there IS a light at the end of the tunnel (and it's NOT an oncoming train). You begin to remember the successful you; your self esteem begins to return. You've been doing all the right things to help yourself through these stages and ... BOOM ... along comes a rejection letter and you're back in the soup again. This is totally normal! The reality is you may move back and forth through all these stages several time before you are really "through it all." The good news is ... you ARE going to get there!

During the Acceptance stage, your thoughts begin to turn to the positive. You've come to realize that dwelling on the unfairness of it all is pointless. You turn your energy to exploring your possibilities, remembering your successes and showcasing the "enthusiastic, confident and energetic you" in that next job interview. Really leaving the loss behind means you have room for embracing the future. Don't worry if you slip back to the other stages on occasion. You will most likely find yourself getting back on track more quickly because you recognize the normality of the situation and what you need to do to change.

Believe in yourself!

As a coach, I've discovered that one of the biggest obstacles to a person's success is the belief that somehow he/she doesn't deserve it. This feeling is especially pronounced when you are grieving your job loss. My advice to you is ... BALONEY! Even if you did have something to do with losing your job, forgive yourself and move on! EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND LOVE THE WORK THEY DO ... EVERYONE ... NO EXCEPTIONS!

I'm a big fan of Dr. Wayne W. Dyer's work and one of my favorite books is "Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life." To BE successful, you need to THINK successful. At this point you may want to create a list of positive affirmations you can use to keep you moving forward and help you refocus when you have a setback. Developing a positive mindset is really one of the most powerful life strategies there is. Positive affirmations and positive thinking can turn failure into success and take success to a whole new dimension. Your positive attitude is the fuel for that success. (But that will be the topic for another posting!)

Dealing with the trauma of unemployment from a position of knowledge and anticipation is the key to getting your career back on track. The time will come when you'll be able to look back and see the silver lining in this job loss ... perhaps you would never have found the courage to leave the safety of what you knew to do something totally new ... maybe the change allowed you to cross paths with angels in your life ... could it be you had a passion for doing something that finally resurfaced when you had some time to think ... you may have used some of your newly found "free time" to reconnect with your family and friends and focus on improving your own health and happiness.

Life is too short, my friends, to not be doing something you love. You deserve to be successful ... you deserve to be happy ... you deserve to be fulfilled doing the work you love.

Believe it!

Stage 4: Depression

The fifth posting in the grief and job loss series ...

In my previous postings I've discussed 1) Denial & Isolation, 2) Anger, and 3) Bargaining & Fear. The fourth phase of grief which you may encounter following your job loss is Depression.
The loss of a job can be one of the truly traumatic experiences of your life because of the profound changes that result. First, there is the obvious financial loss. Then you may feel the loss of your "work family." You may experience self doubts and anxiety. So often, we define ourselves by "what we do" and, when you are unemployed, you may feel a loss of your own identity, your status, or your goals. Your family support may be strained because of the financial situation, leading to tension, fighting and anxiety. Your bills may be piling up ... it is certainly understandable how one could become depressed under even a fraction of the stress.

What is depression?

Depression is "a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than warranted by any objective reason." It can range from mild, temporary moments of sadness to severe, persistent depression. Depression may be situational, brought on by a traumatic event such as a job loss, or, in it's more severe form it may be a result of chemical imbalance in the brain, clinical depression.
I've heard depression described as "anger turned inward." You blame yourself and feel ashamed that this happened to you. Those negative voices in your head start coming up with all of the things you think you did to CAUSE this ... you weren't smart enough ... you weren't worthy ... every bad thing that anyone ever said about you must be true ... you'll never find another job ... suppose you DO find a job and this happens again ... and on and on and on. The litany of negative thoughts we have seems endless.

Job loss and depression are nothing to be ashamed of!

The one thing to remember is that losing your job is nothing to be ashamed of. The days of having one job for your entire life belong to your parents' generation. Very few people retire from the same company they started with when they graduated from high school or college. Almost everyone has experienced a layoff themselves or has a close friend or family member who has experienced it. In today's economy with the mergers and acquisitions, the corporate down-sizing, the "do more with less" corporate directive, job loss is a fact of the life and there is really no stigma attached to it.
There is also no shame in being depressed. More than 18 million US adults will experience some form of depression at some time in their lifetime. When you are in the throes of depression, it's also common to "hit bottom" -- when you've hit bottom there's no where to go but up. However, you are likely to hit bottom more than once during your job search ... and each time you may feel like it's the first. The good news is there are things you can do to move from depression to action.

So what CAN you do?

Depression is a cloud that blots out your good feelings about yourself. The worst thing you can do when you feel this way is stay in bed or sit in front of the TV cruising the cable channels. My advice to you is ...

• Make a concerted effort to get out of the house. Give yourself a change of scenery. Get out and enjoy a state park. Take a walk in the woods. Go to the library and check out a good book. A good novel can be a great escape.
• Pamper yourself. Take a bubble bath. Do something for YOU! You may feel compelled to spend all of your time on your job search but ... resist that urge. You need to do something to refresh and rejuvenate!
• Spend time with the people you love. Take advantage of the fact that you're not working. Play with your kids, and spend time with your spouse, partner, or loved ones.
• Rent a funny videotape. Laughter really is the best medicine.
• Shake off the blues, and do something nice for your mind and body. The fatigue that often accompanies depression may make exercise the LAST thing you feel like doing. However, running, walking, swimming, and other aerobic activities actually give you energy. Also, exercising will help you sleep better, and you'll need your rest to keep yourself healthy enough to execute an effective job search.
• Do something to help someone else. Volunteer your time and share your talents. There's nothing like a little appreciation to help your self esteem. For me, volunteering at the local Literacy Center, gave me an opportunity to give back and actually led me to one of my current career paths, GED Instructor. You never know where an opportunity may present itself!
• Talk to someone ... your spouse, your family, a trusted friend, your pastor, a career coach, a counselor. There is nothing worse for you than isolating yourself when you're feeling this way. It is not a character flaw to need help! There are people out there who are ready to listen and to help. Don't be too proud to reach out to them.

The most important thing to remember is "There IS a job out there waiting for you to find it!" You need to be healthy and in the right frame of mind to recognize the opportunity when you encounter it.

You are not alone!

Stage 3: Bargaining

Fourth in my series on grief and job loss ...

The third stage of grief is Bargaining. This is a difficult stage because your mind can play all kind of tricks on you. This is also the period of time where your self esteem takes the biggest hit.

• You want things to go back to the way they were.
• You want to stop feeling like a failure.
• The partner of bargaining is Guilt. You begin to blame yourself for not being better ... smarter ... quicker ... more competent ...
• That voice in your head screams a litany of "If onlys"
• You may find yourself praying. "Please don't let this happen to me again. If you help me find a job with a stable company, I promise to _________ (fill in the blank) ."
• You may even be holding on to the dream that your boss will suddenly realize s/he can't live without out you and want to rehire you.

Sound familiar?

Bargaining is a natural stage in the grieving process. It can help you feel a reprieve from the pain and anger of losing your job. In reality, you know you can't change the past, but the "what ifs" give you the feeling that you're doing SOMETHING ... preparing for the future ... thinking about how to keep it from happening the next time. The bargaining stage can be the bridge that helps give you a respite from the pain and gives you the time you need to move forward.

As you move through the bargaining process, the mind alters past events while exploring all those "what if" and "if only" statements. You may find yourself rationalizing what happened. If you can be completely honest with yourself, you may discover the job was no longer a good fit for you. In these days of mergers and acquisitions, the company culture you signed onto may have morphed into something very different. As the organization changed, you may have tried to change with it, or you may have been unable to figure out how to make it work. No matter how much you analyze it, the final result is the same ...

What can you do to help yourself through the Bargaining and Guilt stage? My advice to you is ...

• Instead of bargaining, focus your time on writing your success stories. Spend some time thinking about and writing about the times you had fun in your job. What is it that made you feel satisfied? Focusing on times when you've felt successful and happy will help you begin the healing process and prepare you to look forward toward the future.
• Find someone you trust to talk to. Sometimes the feedback of an honest friend (or a career coach) can help you see the reality in your situation and help you move forward.
• Accept the fact that finding a new job is your responsibility. Your boss is not going to call. No white knight or old friend is going to swoop in and rescue you. You have to begin to take positive steps of your own to begin your job search.
• Trust that you will find a new opportunity. The operative word here is "YOU." YOU have to get yourself out there. YOU have to figure out what's next. YOU have to seek the help you need to move forward.

While bargaining is a normal part of the job loss grieving process, it is largely focused on the past which is not necessarily a productive place to be.

Learn what you need to learn about yourself and your past experiences and then figure out how to turn yourself around and focus on your future.

You will feel successful again!