Stage 2: Anger

Third post in the series on job loss and the stages of grief ...

Now that you've moved past the Denial and Isolation stage, anger may be setting in. That anger can take on some or all of the following forms:

• Anger at yourself that you missed or ignored the warning signs
• Anger at company management for continually trying to do more with less
• Anger at your manager because s/he chose you
• Anger that you didn't have time to "say goodbye"
• Anger at the people who survived that you think might not be "pulling their weight" ("it's not fair")
• Anger that other departments seem to be overstaffed (more "it's not fair")
• Anger at the state of the economy in general
• Anger at your higher source for "letting this happen to you"
• Anger at your significant other for not being more supportive
• Anger at your family and friends for asking you continually "So how's the job search going"
• Anger at that doggone computer that seems to be so slow when you're filling in an on line job application
• Anger that you've spent all that time making your resume look distinctive and all the website wants is a text file
• Anger at the black hole your resume seem to find when you apply for jobs
• Anger at yourself that you can't figure out what to do next

That is certainly a great deal of anger! Now, you may not be feeling all of that (Note to my family members and friends: You were incredibly supportive!) but, if you're out of work, you are sure to have experienced anger at some level. This, too, is natural and you will need some willpower and determination to get past it.

Keep in mind ... just who is your anger affecting? Is your former boss affected by it? Does your computer feel the fury? How about those job posting websites? Any chance that they'll get any better because you're frustrated? The only person your anger affects is you (and any unfortunate but caring family members who happen to call at just the wrong time!)
Once again, my friend, the answer lies in your attitude. You can be enraged and let the fury consume you, so that you can't find even a glimmer of a silver lining in all this. Or you can choose to vent for a bit and then get past it and look for the new opportunities. You can spend your days rehashing the unfairness of it all ... casting blame wherever you can fling it. Or you can forgive anyone or anything that may have had a hand in it and be open to the possibility that it just might have been the best thing that ever happened to you, career wise that is.

Your path is your choice ... and yours alone! You may even want to write your former boss a thank you note (to be mailed at some future date when you actually FEEL thankful) ... or not.

Anger is a very real, strong, albeit not very productive, feeling. My advice to you is ...

• Forgive yourself for feeling angry and figure out how to let it go! And, just so you know, you may have to talk yourself through this several times over before you're done.
• Take some time every day to focus on the things for which you are grateful ... some of them may even be things you didn't have a chance to do when you were working (like picking up your children after school, or going to the gym, or taking that yoga class you've always wanted to try). It's hard to feel angry and grateful at the same time.
• Take some time to focus on your own personal wellness whether that be in physical, emotional or spiritual ways. I guarantee you that you'll feel better as a result.
• Take time to laugh every day. Buy a Dave Barry calendar (my husband's personal favorite) or read a cartoon or watch a sitcom that makes you laugh until you cry. The effect can be miraculous!

You deserve to be happy, and you can't be happy while you're deep in the throes of your anger.

Choose happiness!